Browse Johnny Carson quotes and sayings.
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. […]
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do. Johnny Carson
The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband […]
I couldn’t care less what anybody says about me. I live my life, especially my […]
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen […]
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has […]
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper […]
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. […]
Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat […]
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing […]
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they […]
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was […]
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow […]