Famous one liners.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. […]
Thats the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing. Bob Hope
Vodka is kind of a hobby. Betty White
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld
When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it […]
Sometimes I thank God… for cheeseburgers. Garth Brooks
My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth. Ron White
To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a […]
Funny is funny is funny. Bob Newhart
Lou Grant was pretty much always Lou Grant. Mary Tyler Moore
You know, Elizabeth Taylor must be in Heaven going, ‘Alright, fire two honey!’ Dana Carvey
You ever crap so big your pants fit better? I’m hoping to crap myself into […]
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough. Mark […]
My dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn’t, so he nailed down […]
It’s easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays […]
Hollywood’s racist. Hollywood is sorority racist. It’s like – we like you, Rhonda, but you’re […]
Let’s get to the point, let’s roll another joint. Tom Petty
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there. […]
I look like a real bag lady when I go to starbucks with my dog […]
The thing is about Cheech & Chong, we’ve brought more families together than Dr. Phil. […]
I’m coming on home to you instead cause they’re all too ugly tonight. Jerry Lee […]
How can I die? I’m booked. George Burns
Life is like therapy – real expensive and no guarantees. Garth Brooks
Life is good when you have a good sandwich. Keanu Reeves
A collison is what happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian. Bob Newhart
I’m thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four year old level. Dana Carvey
You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered. Ron White
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a […]
At least I didn’t invent a dead girlfriend. Lance Armstrong
Much like rock ‘n’ roll, school shootings were invented by the black man and stolen […]
The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished. Groucho Marx
I am extremely square and obedient in nature! Tina Fey
I thought deep throat was a movie about a giraffe. Bob Hope
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, nine if you’re ugly. Betty White
When in doubt, freak ‘em out. Sharon Needles
Every time I get tested, I ask questions about it, and I watch how they […]
I live to ride, and ride to live. Ryan Sheckler
People think I’m nuts. Shirley MacLaine
The next time you have a thought….let it go. Ron White