Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
I’ve been a good boy, I’ve never really been convicted of a serious crime. Tommy […]
I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member. Groucho Marx
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette. Rodney Dangerfield
I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability. Ron White
They’re the most fucked people on Earth. You know that. They might as well change […]
You know why divorces are so expensive? They’re worth it. Willie Nelson
Community college is like a disco with books: Here’s ten dollars; let me get my […]
I never forget faces, but in your case I’ll gladly make an exception. Groucho Marx
If a bout of ‘creepy face’ sets in, the trick is to look away from […]
I don’t feel old – I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for […]
When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who’s the target. […]
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. Rodney Dangerfield
If you’re the president you only have two jobs: peace and money. Chris Rock
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. Groucho Marx
I had 10,000 things that I like doing on the show itself, and certainly among […]
I’ve retired so many times now it’s getting to be a habit. Dick Van Dyke
You don’t have to kick no nuts to hurt nobody. You could just graze nuts. […]
I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking […]
I’m so tired of men who are afraid to hurt women’s feelings. Sam Kinison
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. […]
A white boy that makes C’s in college can make it to the white house. […]
I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining. […]
Thats the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing. Bob Hope
Vodka is kind of a hobby. Betty White
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld
When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it […]
Sometimes I thank God… for cheeseburgers. Garth Brooks
Although in Abbott and Costello, and straight man was first. That’s a very interesting concept. […]
I have some ice cream and I’m gonna eat it all. You don’t have no […]
My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth. Ron White
To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a […]
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that […]
You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s […]
It’s like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. […]
I always loved to dance, but I never had a clue what I was doing. […]
Funny is funny is funny. Bob Newhart
Lou Grant was pretty much always Lou Grant. Mary Tyler Moore
You know, Elizabeth Taylor must be in Heaven going, ‘Alright, fire two honey!’ Dana Carvey
You ever crap so big your pants fit better? I’m hoping to crap myself into […]