Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
Farts are weaponized poop. Have a good night everyone. Hank Azaria
No fair! Denny’s says anyone under 10 eats free– but they don’t say if thats […]
To anyone who is concerned that my life is sad: do not worry, I am […]
Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong, and disposable. Cher
Husbands are like fires- – they go out when unattended. Zsa Zsa Gabor
You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow. Jack Black
I wish I could trade my heart for another liver, So I could drink more […]
The trouble with children is that they’re not returnable. Quentin Crisp
Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies. Adrienne Gusoff
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin
Keep seeing the glass half full and it will dawn upon you that it’s probably […]
As long as you know men are like children, you know everything. Coco Chanel
The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him. […]
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. Benjamin Franklin
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love, though I’d stepped in it […]
Every day I’m thankful that my beautiful wife has terrible taste in men. Rodney Lacroix
I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of […]
Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. Jay Leno
Don’t try to win over the haters. You’re not a jackass whisperer. Brene Brown
The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest. Roseanne Barr
Be aware; if you ask me for advice, you my end up in the woods […]
I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I’m older than most western countries. […]
You know, I’m almost out of the habit of watching episodic television now. Dick Van […]
You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for […]
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your […]
God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them. Franz Kafka
I am freaking out! I am freaking out. Jerry Seinfeld
Cheech and I used to call ourselves musicians; we never called ourselves comedians. We were […]
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. Rodney Dangerfield
Some sarcasm is best told simply. Kevin Hart
I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that’s all I […]
It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you’ve played […]
Cocaine is God’s way of saying-“You are making too much money.” Robin Williams
Funny is only something that others know about you – you can’t be funny by […]
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. […]