Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can […]
A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes. […]
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. Mitch Hedberg
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup. Eddie Izzard
You know you’re ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger […]
My friends who have babies can’t do anything. You can’t go out at night. Having […]
Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown […]
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get […]
He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. Raymond […]
People don’t usually wanna kill me for one of my movies until after they’ve paid […]
Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked […]
People teach their dogs to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, […]
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board […]
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I […]
Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you […]
That’s when you know you’re a true married couple: when you have to apologize for […]
A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers. Eddie Cantor
If you ever need anything please don’t hesitate to ask someone else first. Kurt Cobain
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told […]
In Hollywood, it’s hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington. […]
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. Norman […]
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. Rita […]
I get labeled a sex comic. But if a guy got up on stage and […]
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. […]
My grandmother is over eighty and she still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of […]
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three […]
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no […]
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill […]
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose. Robin Williams
I think one reason they call them “relaxed fit” jeans is that “ass the size […]
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not “professional” any […]
Ladies and gentlemen, you can’t please everyone. Take my girlfriend – I think she’s the […]
I said to my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ She […]
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips. […]
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to […]
It’s hard to soar with the eagles when you’re surrounded by turkeys. Adam Sandler
A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle. Ian Fleming
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or […]