Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
I have a rule: If the temperature is less than my age, I don’t get […]
Gay marriage—I am so against it because all my gay friends are out. And if […]
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has […]
Tomorrow is Election Day. That’s the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and […]
9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex […]
The biggest laugh has to come at the end. Jerry Seinfeld
It’s so cold here in Washington D.C. that politicians have their hands in their own […]
Humor’s a weapon if you want to make it one. Bob Newhart
I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors […]
Men don’t care what’s on tv. They only care what else is on tv. Jerry […]
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade…and try to find […]
Smart is knowing if you’re dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to […]
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money. Bob […]
George Carlin
Hookers in Times Square, God bless ‘em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an […]
The death penalty is like the McRib. When you can’t have it, it seems so […]
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper […]
An M.P. once suggested I be put in the Tower of London for saying derogatory […]
Originality its unexplored territory. You get there by carrying a canoe-you can’t take a taxi. […]
In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit […]
Politics is just show business for ugly people. Jay Leno
The IRS combines two of the things that we hate the most in life: someone […]
Don’t keep reaching for the star because you’ll just look like an idiot stretching that […]
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. […]
The Internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom. Jon Stewart
If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people […]
Starbuck’s is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the […]
Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable […]
Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends….They’re much more concerned with getting inside […]
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you. […]
You only think of the best comeback when you leave. Jimmy Fallon
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. […]
I just thought of something funny….your mother. Cheech Marin
At the Fox debate, Donald Trump revealed himself to be nasty, boorish, sexist, ignorant, and […]
A two year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have […]
Marriage is grand, Divorce is about 20 grand. Jay Leno
Reality’s the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. Lily Tomlin
When someone is important and says ‘I haven’t got all day.’ I always wonder, how […]
It’s almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. Carol Burnett