Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough. Mark […]
My dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn’t, so he nailed down […]
It’s easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays […]
Hollywood’s racist. Hollywood is sorority racist. It’s like – we like you, Rhonda, but you’re […]
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there. […]
I look like a real bag lady when I go to starbucks with my dog […]
The thing is about Cheech & Chong, we’ve brought more families together than Dr. Phil. […]
I’m coming on home to you instead cause they’re all too ugly tonight. Jerry Lee […]
I loved to fall down. Dick Van Dyke
How can I die? I’m booked. George Burns
Life is like therapy – real expensive and no guarantees. Garth Brooks
Life is good when you have a good sandwich. Keanu Reeves
A collison is what happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian. Bob Newhart
You know how some people get sun-kissed, well I got sun bitch slapped. Ryan Oliveira
I’m thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four year old level. Dana Carvey
You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered. Ron White
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a […]
At least I didn’t invent a dead girlfriend. Lance Armstrong
Much like rock ‘n’ roll, school shootings were invented by the black man and stolen […]
The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished. Groucho Marx
I am extremely square and obedient in nature! Tina Fey
I thought deep throat was a movie about a giraffe. Bob Hope
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, nine if you’re ugly. Betty White
My girlfriend used to smoke after sex, so we started using lube. Jimmy Carr
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Demetri […]
Every time I get tested, I ask questions about it, and I watch how they […]
For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward. Jay […]
The next time you have a thought….let it go. Ron White
Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to go straight. Haha. Will Ferrell
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. Bob Hope
You can’t suppress bodily functions. Cheech Marin
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream. Conan O’Brien
A new study found that most people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. But since […]
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to […]
There are two kinds of people I don’t trust; People who don’t drink and people […]
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad […]
It’s funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it […]
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. George Burns