Funny Quotes, Funny One-Liners, Funny Sayings, Funny Memes, Funny Statuses and Funny Tweets!
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not […]
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep […]
There is the view that poetry should improve your life. I think people confuse it […]
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad […]
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let’em go…because man, […]
If I’m not the sexiest man alive, explain why so many women married me. Terry […]
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a […]
As I get older, I just prefer to knit. Tracey Ullman
I used to sleep nude – until the earthquake. Alyssa Milano
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He […]
Always avoid picking up hitch-hikers who are wearing a mask. Jack Adams
I remember my friend Johnny von Neumann used to say, ‘with four parameters I can […]
I have my standards. They’re low, but I have them. Bette Midler
We’re all not quite as sane as we pretend to be. Robert Bloch
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But […]
As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it […]
I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression […]
My grandfather always said, Don’t watch your money, watch your health. So one day while […]
Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places. E. […]
It’s a funny word, persistence. It means not giving up, but it also means just […]
Correlation doesn’t imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively and gesture furtively while […]
Repent or be damned! If you have already repented, please disregard this notice. Patrick Murray
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Douglas Adams
At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted? Zach […]
People do stupid things in the heat of the moment. I’ve been in Vegas where […]
Fuck’, I think. What a beautiful word. If I could say only one thing for […]
I recommend that everyone in their youth be as out of shape as possible so […]
If there’s life on other planets, then the earth is the Universe’s insane asylum. Voltaire
One useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three is a […]
Hey, I have a suggestion, why not put a condom over your head – if […]
What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse
My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a […]
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical. Arthur C. Clarke
He’s male. I’ve noticed that sometimes the brains simply get left out of the package. […]
I always say, the bigger the hair, the smaller the hips! Christie Brinkley
Now that you’re 21, nobody can tell you want to do, unless of course, you’re […]
Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck through […]
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough. James […]
Anybody that’s going on a road trip and doesn’t really want to get into a […]