Funny Quotes, Funny One-Liners, Funny Sayings, Funny Memes, Funny Statuses and Funny Tweets!
Perpetual Peace is only found in the graveyard. Immanuel Kant
No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, ‘Hey, man, […]
My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she’s coming with me. […]
Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before […]
Here’s the secret to a happy marriage: Do what your wife tells you. Denzel Washington
Don’t be scared if you don’t do things in the right order. I didn’t think […]
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out? Will […]
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then […]
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and […]
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. […]
He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others. Samuel […]
I won’t go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was […]
The lion shall lie down with the calf, but the calf won’t get much sleep. […]
User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot. Dave Barry
If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with […]
Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired. Sandra […]
People say that money isn’t the key to happiness, but I always figured if you […]
Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. […]
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant—and […]
A party without a cake is really just a meeting. Julia Child
He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious. Yogi Berra
Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought […]
When the President does it, that means that it’s not illegal. Richard Nixon
I told my parents I wanted to be an actor and they were getting ready […]
Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships. Sacha Baron […]
Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny. Frank Zappa
I remain just one thing, and one thing only — and that is a clown. […]
The reason God made man before woman was that he didn’t want any suggestions. Sam […]
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how […]
Economics is like the Dutch language – I’m told it makes sense, but I have […]
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband […]
Sometimes a majority simply means that all the fools are on the same side. Claude […]
There should be a dating app for people who post motivational quotes, they’re clearly all […]
Instant gratification takes too long. Carrie Fisher
I’m Irish. I think about death all the time. Jack Nicholson
The public has always expected me to be a playboy, and a decent chap never […]
I’m into grilled cheese. Â Grilled cheese makes me feel beautiful! Emma Stone
Everyone thinks their baby is a genius. People find it delightfully refreshing when I tell […]
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep […]