Funny Quotes, Funny One-Liners, Funny Sayings, Funny Memes, Funny Statuses and Funny Tweets!
People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for […]
We are here on earth to do good to others. What the others are here […]
A nation of spaghetti eaters cannot restore Roman civilization! Benito Mussolini
Waiting for your buddies to get laid is right up there with hanging out in […]
Good morning is a contradiction of terms. Jim Davis
All the brains in the world are powerless against the sort of stupidity that is […]
I think of myself as a doom person. I’m a worrier. But I like the […]
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don’t get sick you’re missing […]
If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s […]
Facebook’s new status option: “No longer able to interact with actual people.” Andy Borowitz
Harry S. Truman had his moods. His birthplace is the only tourist attraction in America […]
Normal people… believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if […]
I am pretty sure I will never get a better character name than Japonica Fenway. […]
Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment […]
I hate patience. Slows everything down. J. D. Robb
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people […]
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy? Thomas Jefferson
A person who gossips & talks too much may not suffer from Bipolar Disorder but […]
Everybody got it wrong. I said I was into porn again, not born again. Billy […]
Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theatre unless he […]
High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. Christopher […]
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! Douglas Adams
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob […]
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. […]
If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, […]
Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary. Robert Louis […]
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he […]
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein
Many people are gullible, and we can expect this to continue. P. T. Barnum
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train […]
Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way […]
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make men stupid. […]
I hate women because they always know where things are. James Thurber
Despite my thirty years of research into the woman soul, I have not yet been […]
Men are all alike — except the one you’ve met who’s different. Mae West
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to […]
Life is like a mountain: after climbing up one side and sliding down the other, […]
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be […]
Even bitches can get a break in life. Suzanne Wright