Funny Quotes, Funny One-Liners, Funny Sayings, Funny Memes, Funny Statuses and Funny Tweets!
Stupidity isn’t punishable by death. If it was, there would be a hell of a […]
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. Ambrose Bierce
Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business Tom […]
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from […]
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but […]
One of the advantages of being disorganized is that one is always having surprising discoveries. […]
I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to […]
Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied. Otto von Bismarck
I’m the most awkward person in the world, but onstage, I’m completely fine. I could […]
A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a […]
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green […]
What do you call friends you meet at culinary school? Taste buds! Maria Monrovia
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music. Juliet Lanka
Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins […]
A man’s home may seem to be his castle on the outside; inside is more […]
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional […]
Absurdity is what I like most in life. David Lynch
I didn’t always spell my name Bil. My parents named me Bill, but when I […]
My head, like a lot of people’s heads, is kind of like a neighborhood you […]
How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke him on. Thomas LaRock
Why can’t you trust a burrito? Cause it will spill the beans. Alan Griffin
I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses. Conan O’Brien
Sometimes, when I’m feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to […]
Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives. Ralph Nelson Willett
How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together. Ryan McGee
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin
I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already. Tommy Cooper
What do snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren. Jen Giffen
How does NASA organize a party? They planet. Brandon Gorrell
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle. Christopher Hudspeth
What did the pickle say to his fans? I’m kind of a big dill! Maria […]
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV? Too much sax and […]
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. Erma Bombeck
I love hugging. I wish I was an octopus, so I could hug ten people […]
Girdles and wire stays should have never been invented. No man wants to hug a […]
I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for karma to […]
I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people… that’s why I don’t […]
What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you […]
One time I painted a map of the United States on the side of the […]