Funny Quotes, Funny One-Liners, Funny Sayings, Funny Memes, Funny Statuses and Funny Tweets!
My wife once said that if men had to worry about who was cleaning up […]
Going to war without France is like going hunting without an accordion. Norman Schwarzkopf
Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. Ann Landers
In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and […]
It’s okay to like jerks. I mean, it’d be better to like a nice guy, […]
Don’t mind her; she’s missing that part in her brain that tells her to shut […]
I must say also that it’s never worked to my disadvantage that I have long, […]
The best advice I can give you about falling is to never land. Chevy Chase
When the going gets weird, the weird turn professional. Hunter S. Thompson
I think I’m playing grown up because I have kids now. But I don’t feel […]
It’s funny: I don’t listen to too much rap. I don’t listen to too much […]
I’ve always wanted to be a spy, and frankly I’m a little surprised that British […]
I am not the sort of woman who would wear high heels with a bathing […]
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. Lily Tomlin
I’m not afraid of dying I just don’t want to be there when it happens. […]
A good way to get to know your date is to ask about their first […]
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just […]
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people […]
Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words. Bill Watterson
I’m allergic to stupidity. Chris Colfer
It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down […]
I’m going to kick your stupid marathon-running shins so hard you’re going to think 157th […]
If there is such a thing as platonic love between a man and a woman […]
Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always […]
It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! […]
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington D.C. […]
It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales. Milton Berle
I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his […]
A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day. […]
Life without the Internet is unimaginable. Santosh Kalwar
Don’t worry about the choices you make because everything will be fun because life is […]
Life is swimming to shore with cowboy boots on. Christopher Moore
True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. William Goldman
I don’t have pet peeves like some people. I have whole kennels of irritation. Whoopi […]
Sometimes shit happens even if you have a shit shield. Nelson Demille
Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them. Lemony Snicket
If one’s friends do not openly laugh at him, they are not in fact his […]
I had to smile at the man. I mean, you have to smile at idiots […]
There is no love sincerer than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw