Funny Quotes, Funny One-Liners, Funny Sayings, Funny Memes, Funny Statuses and Funny Tweets!
In my next life I want to be a cat. To sleep 20 hours a […]
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. Winston Churchill
I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there. Oscar Wilde
Excuse the mess but we live here. Roseanne Barr
I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. There’s a lot of coloring […]
When I get nervous, I get word vomit. Dreama Walker
I have an issue with dogs- I can’t pick up after them. It’s nothing personal; […]
After doing One Fine Day and playing a pediatrician on ER, I’ll never have kids. […]
I just imagine all the other runners are big spiders, and then I get super […]
I may not be smart enough to debate you point-for-point on this, but I have […]
In Scotland we have mixed feelings about global warming, because we will get to sit […]
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or […]
Don’t do drugs, don’t have sex, and don’t touch your eyebrows. Emilia Clarke
You only have to go hardcore humiliation on the first film. On the subsequent sequels, […]
He asked ‘What’s your favorite position?’ I said CEO. Lauren Conrad
I’m the most uncoordinated clumsy, klutzy person. I always had a bruise, I always tripped […]
God’s a funky little dude because everyone’s looking for Him and no one can find […]
You dickweed! Are you always stupid, or is today a special occasion? Cherise Sinclair
The best way to keep your daughter out of hot water is to put some […]
My trouble was I had a mind but I couldn’t make it up! Dr. Seuss
Apparently vodka helps flowers last longer when they’re dying. But you can put vodka in […]
Now get the hell out of here and go change the world. Lucille Ball
I just gravitate to those more testosterone- filled sorts of parts of me playing something […]
I’m kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more. […]
Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don’t rush; otherwise you’ll look […]
I don’t think there’s ever what could be called a “chilled state” in my head. […]
There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. Kin […]
We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs. Will […]
I’m not sure whether it is changing my mind, or whether I lie a lot. […]
This New Years I was going to make a resolution never to be late again, […]
I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked […]
We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet […]
No man can hope to be elected in his state without being photographed eating a […]
My wife and I battle over home decor. My style goes from Gothic to Baroque. […]
I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. […]
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. Jay Leno
Girls just want to have funds. Adrienne Gusoff
I’d really like to do a reality show with four white people.. who are dropped […]
If I had as many love affairs as I’ve been given credit for, I’d be […]